Every relationship goes through rough times. There will be instances when either one of you has done something wrong and made the other mad. While you, as a woman, may prefer that your guy makes amends so that you can feel better immediately, the same is not the case for most men.
Maybe you can’t stand to go to bed angry, but for your guy, sleeping it off is just what he needs to clear his head. Whatever the case is, if it’s you who’s made a boo-boo and made your guy mad, you have to have a different approach.
When it comes to guys, winning them back may not be as easy as you thought, especially when your boyfriend is mad at you. Here’s what to do:
If your boyfriend’s annoyed with you, or if you two have just had a big fight over something you may have caused, here are a few things you need to keep in mind to smooth things out in no time.
#1 Don’t fight fire with fire. If you’ve just had a huge fight, both of your nerves may be shot. He may be angry because of what you did, but this doesn’t mean that you have to be angry, too. Even if you have a valid point, it won’t help your case if you add more fire to the argument. Pick your battles and let him have the last say, even just this time.
#2 Give him space. While you may want to patch things up immediately after a fight, the same can’t be said for your guy. Guys want their space to think things through, so you may want to back off for a while, even if you feel like going to him and making things better. When your boyfriend is mad at you, he most likely just wants some much-needed time to himself.
#3 Don’t push the issue. If he’s ignoring you or is trying to avoid the issue, let him. This is part of his wanting some space. If you have fought over something, you can’t just force him to reconcile and talk about it immediately. Most guys are non-confrontational, so you should wait until both of you are in a better mood before you start to talk.
#4 Give it time. Give it a couple of days. If you’ve done something really awful or if you’ve gotten into a big fight, chances are that both you are still on edge. He may want to just separate himself from the situation a little bit and take things into perspective. After you see that he may have had enough time to think things through, that’s when you start bringing up the issue for some form of closure or reconciliation.
#5 Let him know you still care. While you’re giving him time and distance, continue to let him know that you’re there for him. Let him see that you’re giving him space, but are not detaching yourself so much that he can’t go to you if he has problems of his own or wants to talk about your recent riff.
#6 It’s not personal. If your guy doesn’t seem to want to talk to you, ignores you, or won’t even answer your call, don’t take it personally. As we said earlier, guys need time and space to process what’s been happening. It’s not your fault that he doesn’t want to talk to you yet *although it probably is your fault that he’s angry as hell*.
#7 Respect his privacy. So he asked for some space. He’s not talking to you, he won’t meet up, not even just for your usual afternoon coffee. This doesn’t mean that you should hack into his Facebook and Twitter accounts just to see if he’s looking for other girls or talking about you to his friends. It won’t help if you’ve been snooping around. Just let it go and let him come to you.
#8 Don’t gossip about your fight. Okay, you may feel bad about the fight and think that you’re right, but don’t go around talking to your girlfriends about it. While a little chat is fine so you can let off steam and have a shoulder to cry on, please don’t go backstabbing and gossiping about your guy. Now that he’s mad, the last thing he wants is to hear from other people how you and he got in an argument.
#9 Wait for the right timing. Once you think he’s ready to talk, choose the right time and place to have the conversation. Avoid public places, and always think about the worst-case scenario *like you might end up crying and begging on your knees, or he may end up bawling his eyes out in anger*. These things are better done in private and in a place where there are no distractions.
#10 Apologize… and mean it. There’s no point in prolonging your fight and keeping your ego satisfied, especially if it’s your fault in the first place. If your relationship means a lot to you, then admit that you really messed up and you’re sorry for hurting his feelings and making him mad. Once you start talking, apologize genuinely and stop that urge to minimize, rationalize, or divert the blame to your boyfriend.
#11 Genuinely listen. When you start talking to each other, avoid turning it into a one-way conversation. If you want to really apologize to your man so he won’t be mad anymore, let him talk. Let him talk to you about what he felt or how what you did made him feel. Genuinely listen to what he has to say and avoid interrupting him.
#12 You don’t have to have the last word. Relationships are all about compromise. While there are, of course, inevitable misunderstandings, you should be able to pick your battles. You don’t have to always be right all the time, in the same way that he shouldn’t feel the need to always be right. When your boyfriend is mad at you about something you’ve done, be humble enough to accept responsibility for it and don’t make excuses.
#13 Show him affection. Continue to show him that you love him, even if he’s mad at you. In fact, when you do start to talk about your fight, this is the perfect time for you to be sweet to him. Kiss the anger away, so to speak. You can even use your hugs and kisses to win him over so he’s not angry anymore—end of discussion.
#14 Make up for it all. Once you’ve owned up to your mistakes and talked about what went wrong, it’s not up to you to make up for what happened. If he got mad at you for texting your ex, then don’t do it again. Better yet, erase him from your contact list and social media accounts. This time, don’t give your man any more reason to get jealous, and give him all of your attention and affection from now on.
#15 Don’t do it again *or at least try your hardest*. When your boyfriend is mad at you, it’s not enough to just say “I’m sorry.” You have to not only mean it, but also prevent it from happening again in the future. Apologizing for something one day and then turning around and committing the same fault the next will only make him wary of accepting your apologies in the future.
By following the tips above, you’ll have a great shot at reconciling and making up when your boyfriend is mad at you.