21 Foods You Eat That Demolish Your S*x Drive, #4 Is Shocking

pizza

You are a man, and you are a carnivore. Burgers for breakfast and all-sugar-everything for breakfast; the word diet is just death with a typo at the end. Who dares to tell you to say no to food? Uh, we do. And, after reading this, your girlfriend (and anyone that might find their way into your bed) might chime in, too.

To you, the word diet means downgrading from the super size option to a large. A slice of pizza serves as your food pyramid. You double-fist soda and your heartbeat picks up at the faint sound of suya sizzling in the distance.

Eating whatever you want is a luxury reserved for adolescents, not for the sexually active twenty something. We found 21 foods that are demolishing your sex drive that might make you contemplate an overhaul of your diet. Prep accordingly.

1. Tomatoes

tomato

If pasta with canned tomato sauce is the only date night meal you’ve learned to cook, it’s time to switch it up. AYomatoes can lead to lower levels of testosterone.

2. Corn Flakes

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John Harvey Kellogg, the gloriously bearded cereal guru, was anti sex/masturbation/your private parts doing anything fun, so he created Corn Flakes. He thought the bland and sugarless taste would repress people’s nasty urges for a post-breakfast bang. There is a serious lack of solid evidence of whether Kellogg was successful, but considering that Corn Flakes are largely consumed by teething babies and toothless eldery folks, he may have gotten his wish.

3. Microwave Popcorn

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Microwave popcorn bags contain something called perfluorooctanoic acid (PFOAs) which is a really long name for a chemical that kills your sex drive, is bad for your prostate, and increases your chances of testicular cancer.

4. Fish

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Researchers at Michigan State University found that harmful industrial waste chemicals can be absorbed into dairy, meat, and fish. Their research also showed a conncection between these harmful chemicals and lowered libidos in women. Point your lady towards this list of safe fish here.

5. Oatmeal

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Doctors claim that oatmeal seems like it’s good for libido due to its stress-lowering properties, but in actuality, the same chemical that lowers stress also lowers libido. If you planned on eating oatmeal and were also hoping for morning sex, perhaps you should opt for a bowl of cereal instead.

6. Chocolate

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Dark chocolate is known to increase libido due to its high cocoa concentration, but chocolate can also cause sexual dysfunction. Chocolate high in cholesterol and fat is more likely to clog arteries, and scientists say the first arteries to clog up are typically the ones leading to your genitals. No blood, no love.

7. Potatoes

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Sweet potatoes may increase sex drive due to high levels of vitamin E, but irish potatoes do not work the same way. The maybe-vegetable has a tendency to make people lethargic, which is definitely not good for orgasms all night long. Re-up on the yams and avoid the regular stuff.

8. Pizza

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Someone was given a large sum of money to run a study that concluded what most teenagers could tell you: an unhealthy lifestyle (i.e drugs, smoking, and fatty foods like pizza) lead to less sexual activity and more sexual dysfunction.

9. Potato Chips

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It should come as surprise that potato’s gluttonous spawn is also not good for your libido. File potato chips under the “unhealthy lifestyle” category and it’s easy to figure out why. Sodium reduces blood flow to sex organs and fats make you too tired to do it for hours.

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10. Canned Soup

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Canned foods are generally awful for your sex drive, but soup’s excess sodium and additives make it a culprit to be feared. The 3% real veggies that they promise you tend to come with 97% artificial everything else, which oftens lead to higher blood pressure. A raise in blood pressure leads to less blood flow to the places you need it to be for sex. Which leads to no sex. Sorry in advance.

11. Soda

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Your mom warned you about the dreaded sugar crash, and she wasn’t wrong. Now, instead of passing out on the swings at recess, you will pass out in bed (maybe swings are still involved? Do you). The high sugar levels in soda raise and then drastically lower your glucose levels, which also lowers testosterone in the body. Aim for a refreshing glass of H2O, instead.

12. Okra

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It’s a sad day for your stomach when you find out okra is not good for your sex drive. Apparently, the veggie has libido-lowering nutrients, so avoid it before bed, or it will be a sad night your penis.

13. Alcohol

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Whiskey dick is a real thing. Scientific studies indicate that alcohol increases the chance of delayed ejaculation and general erection issues. So, no, one more shot is not a good idea.

14. Fried Foods

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All the fat and sugar in fried foods forces your body into a state of fatigue. Mind over matter?

15. Tonic

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If gin and tonic is your go-to adult beverage, you might want to reconsider. A recent study showed quinine, the chemical in tonic, correlates with lower sperm counts and testosterone levels. We vote switching to gin and juice.

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