14 Views

8 Behaviours You Mistake For Love That Are Abusive

Abusers can be hard to recognize since they don’t advertise their destructive behavior. In fact, abusers are usually as smooth as butter. They do things that are sweet and loving. However, over the course of the relationship, these “loving” acts escalate into abusive behaviors.

Be aware: some of the items on this list really are loving. It’s when these behaviors are taken to extremes and used as manipulation or control that they become abusive. It’s important to evaluate the results of these actions. If these “loving” behaviors only benefit your partner and leave you feeling hurt, used and guilty, it is a sign that you need to get help immediately and get out of that relationship.

Taking care of you
Naturally, taking care of each other is one of the benefits of being in a relationship; meaning, “I want to take care of you” can easily look like love when it’s really abuse. If one partner isn’t allowing the other to work, get an education or save money, it is a sign of abuse. Abusers use phrases like, “I don’t want you to work at a terrible job” or “we can’t afford college right now” to blind you to the fact that they are controlling you. “Taking care of you” is a masquerade used to cut off a victim’s access to education, work experience and income so that their partner doesn’t have the resources to leave, making them dependent on the abuser.

Giving gifts
Sure, gifts can be a great way to show you love someone (in fact, it may even be your love language) but you need to be aware of how gifts are used. Is your partner giving you clothes to control what you wear? Are they paying your bills so that you’re financially dependent on them? Are they giving you things when they apologize so you’re more apt to look over their misdeed? Evaluate the reason why your partner gives gifts. If their intentions don’t seem to be motivated by love, they probably aren’t.

Saying, “I want what’s best for us”
Obviously this phrase can be filled with love, but when it’s paired with inappropriate behavior, it’s a form of manipulation. If your partner tells you he wants what’s best for your relationship, honestly consider if it’s best for you. For example, if your partner is asking you to give him money, to stop talking to your family or to stop hanging out with your friends in the name of the greater good for your relationship, he might actually be attempting to manipulate and control you.

Being jealous
The media often depicts jealousy as cute; love is when people love each other so much that even an implication that their partner loves another rips their heart apart. However, it doesn’t take long for small bits of jealousy to escalate to extremes. If your partner is frustrated when you talk to other men, reads your text messages or requests your social media passwords, his jealousy is abusive.

Acting as though they’d “die without you”
Manipulating someone with the threat of suicide is never acceptable. Abusers threaten to commit suicide to get their partners to do what they want (like be intimate with them or not leave them). In these situations, it’s important to report the concerns that they will commit suicide to a professional. You should never feel obligated to stay in the relationship.

Doing things “because [they] love you”
If your partner is doing things you disagree with “for your own good” or “because [he] loves you” they are probably abusive. Love is never an excuse for abusive behavior. Love does not give someone else the right to decide what you can do, where you can go or who you can talk to. Love does not excuse inappropriate behavior because love is not an excuse.

Source: Melinda Fox

Get the best viral stories straight into your inbox!

Don't worry, we don't spam

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Latest Posts

Nigerian Blogger, Linda Ikeji Releases Stunning Video As She Turns 37 Years Old Today
Entertainment
1 views
Entertainment
1 views

Nigerian Blogger, Linda Ikeji Releases Stunning Video As She Turns 37 Years Old Today

MT - September 19, 2017

Famous Nigerian blogger Linda Ikeji, needs no introduction because she has already made a name for herself in her chosen profession. The Nigerian female Celebrity Blogger is…

WAFU 2017: Super Eagles Qualify For Semi-final
Sports
18 views
Sports
18 views

WAFU 2017: Super Eagles Qualify For Semi-final

Mabel - September 19, 2017

The home-based Super Eagles have qualified for the semi-final of the ongoing WAFU Cup of Nations with a crucial 2-0-win on Monday night over the Black Stars…

Meet Amina Yuguda,The Borno Female Journalist Who Won BBC Komla Dumor Award
Geeky & Smart
38 views
Geeky & Smart
38 views

Meet Amina Yuguda,The Borno Female Journalist Who Won BBC Komla Dumor Award

Mabel - September 19, 2017

A journalist from north-eastern Nigeria has won the third BBC World News Komla Dumor Award. Amina Yuguda is a news presenter on local network Gotel Television, where…

See Photos From Nigerian Music Legend, 2Face Idibia’s 42nd Birthday
Entertainment
34 views
Entertainment
34 views

See Photos From Nigerian Music Legend, 2Face Idibia’s 42nd Birthday

Mabel - September 19, 2017

Nigerian Music Legend, 2face Idibia celebrated his birthday yesterday. Innocent Ujah Idibia better known by his stage name 2face Idibia, or 2Baba was born in Jos, Plateau State, he is a singer-songwriter, record producer and entrepreneur. He…

Nollywood Actress, Iyabo Ojo To Launch Restaurant, Abula Spot Lounge & Bar In Lagos
Business
41 views
Business
41 views

Nollywood Actress, Iyabo Ojo To Launch Restaurant, Abula Spot Lounge & Bar In Lagos

Mabel - September 19, 2017

Nollywood actress Iyabo Ojo who owns a beauty salon is now the owner of a posh Abula restaurant located in Lekki Lagos. This was made known by her…

Why I Boycotted Meeting Between Governors, Nnamdi Kanu – Ben Nwabueze
Politics
47 views
Politics
47 views

Why I Boycotted Meeting Between Governors, Nnamdi Kanu – Ben Nwabueze

PH - September 19, 2017

Elder statesman, Prof. Ben Nwabueze, Monday, gave reasons for his absence during last Friday’s meeting scheduled to hold between the South-East Governors and the leader of the…

Why Former BBNaija Housemate, Bisola Would Be Attending The UN General Assembly
Entertainment
28 views
Entertainment
28 views

Why Former BBNaija Housemate, Bisola Would Be Attending The UN General Assembly

Mabel - September 19, 2017

Former BBNaija Housemate, Bisola Aiyeola, will be attending the 72nd session of the UN General Assembly in New York as a ONE ambassador. Bisola, during the Big…

In Photos: Governor Okorocha Receives Cakes From Women In Imo State Ahead Of His Birthday
Politics
28 views
Politics
28 views

In Photos: Governor Okorocha Receives Cakes From Women In Imo State Ahead Of His Birthday

MT - September 19, 2017

Governor Rochas Okorocha will turn 55 in four days time — September 22 — but the birthday cakes are flooding in already. The governor took to Twitter…

What President Buhari Should Do If He Loves Nigeria – General Overseer Of SGTM, Seun Adeoye
Politics
44 views
Politics
44 views

What President Buhari Should Do If He Loves Nigeria – General Overseer Of SGTM, Seun Adeoye

MT - September 19, 2017

The general overseer of Sufficient Grace and Truth Ministry, has sent an important message to President Muhammadu Buhari in a statement issued on Monday. Seun Adeoye, the…

Photo: Vice President Yemi Osinbajo Storms Supreme Court To Witness Brother’s Conferment As SAN
Politics
38 views
Politics
38 views

Photo: Vice President Yemi Osinbajo Storms Supreme Court To Witness Brother’s Conferment As SAN

MT - September 19, 2017

Nigeria’s Vice President, Yemi Osinbajo, has stormed the Supreme Court as the conferment of the rank of the Senior Advocate of Nigeria on deserving persons begins. File…

Why We Are More Than Ready To Confront Nigerian Military And Defend Our People – Biafra National Guard Explains
Politics
37 views
Politics
37 views

Why We Are More Than Ready To Confront Nigerian Military And Defend Our People – Biafra National Guard Explains

MT - September 19, 2017

In a statement signed by Major Nkuma and released on Monday, the Biafra National Guard has vowed that it is ready to confront Nigerian military, saying they…

Fayose Funding IPOB? Read What The Ekiti State Governor Is Saying Over The Allegations
Politics
38 views
Politics
38 views

Fayose Funding IPOB? Read What The Ekiti State Governor Is Saying Over The Allegations

MT - September 19, 2017

Ekiti state governor, Ayo Fayose, has reacted to allegations made by APC members in his state that he is one of those funding members of the now-outlawed…

Nigerian Internet Users Still Stand At 91 Million
Technology
23 views
Technology
23 views

Nigerian Internet Users Still Stand At 91 Million

MT - September 19, 2017

The Nigerian Communications Commission has released the huge number of internet users in Nigeria for the month of July. The Nigerian Communications Commission (NCC) says internet users…

Actress Omotola Jalade Wins Best Actress At Nollywood Travel Film Festival
Best of Nigeria
29 views
Best of Nigeria
29 views

Actress Omotola Jalade Wins Best Actress At Nollywood Travel Film Festival

PH - September 19, 2017

Nollywood actress Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde has received an award for best actress from the Nollywood Travel Film Festival in Toronto. Omotola was recognised for her lead role in the movie…

See The Five Northern Governors Who Visited Abia State Following IPOB Clash With Military (Photos)
Politics
30 views
Politics
30 views

See The Five Northern Governors Who Visited Abia State Following IPOB Clash With Military (Photos)

MT - September 19, 2017

Five northern governors have arrived Umuahia to show solidarity to Governor Okezie Ikpeazu of Abia state. Governor Okezie Ikpeazu with the northern governors A delegation of Northern…

See How Dele Momodu Replied One Of His Fans Who Asked Him For An Iphone
General
59 views
General
59 views

See How Dele Momodu Replied One Of His Fans Who Asked Him For An Iphone

Mabel - September 18, 2017

Dele Momodu is a Nigerian journalist/publisher, businessman, philanthropist, actor and motivational speaker. He is the CEO and publisher of Ovation International, a magazine that has given publicity…

What God Told Me About Biafra Agitation
Politics
62 views
Politics
62 views

What God Told Me About Biafra Agitation

PH - September 18, 2017

The spiritual leader of the Brotherhood of the Cross and Star, His Holiness Olumba Olumba Obu has prayed against the actualization of Biafra sovereignty, insisting that it…

Nollywood Actor, Mr Ibu Plans To Shoot Movie In South Africa
Entertainment
41 views
Entertainment
41 views

Nollywood Actor, Mr Ibu Plans To Shoot Movie In South Africa

Mabel - September 18, 2017

Popular Nollywood actor, Mr John Okafor, a.k.a Mr Ibu, has said that he is planning to shoot a movie highlighting the evils of xenophobia. Mr Ibu, told newsmen…

Loading...