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9 Things Nollywood Taught Us Wrong

Do I think films are capable of affecting the society, our behaviours and beliefs? Yes!

Most movies are not set out to educate or offer you that life changing lesson, they are just entertaining They give you the opportunity to admire the attractive cast, while getting emotional about the characters on the screen.

Thankfully, we have some realistic Nollywood movies to hold on to, but to be honest, a higher percentage of Nollywood films still come with unrealistic scenes and plot.

Bear in mind that those scenes doesn’t stop the movie from being entertaining and maybe relatable – they just present us with over the top idea of what reality is.

Ime Bishop Umoh, Okey Bakkasi on set of Emem Isong's 'Love is in the Hair.'Ime Bishop Umoh, Okey Bakkasi on set of Emem Isong’s ‘Love is in the Hair.’

Some say Nollywood movies can be damaging to the IQ, and I totally get that. Maybe impressionable Nigerians watch them and genuinely start to believe some of those over the top stories.

As earlier stated, we are grateful for movies like “Tango with Me,” “The Figurine,” “A Place Called Happy,” “O-Town” among others, but when you say “Nollywood,” most Nigerians would always think of the 100 naira CDs sold by the road side, and some of those embarrassing movies on Africa Magic.

I recently saw a movie, and then I realised that there are so many things Nollywood has taught and are still teaching us that are too wrong.

Here we go;

1. That every mishap in your life is from the village.

Ever heard a hardcore fan of Africa Magic Epic tell you “don’t you watch movies? All these things actually happen in reality.”  Nobody is saying there’s no “wicked” uncle in the village chasing you, but contrary to what those films have led you to believe, your laziness could be behind your problems.

In Nigeria, it’s almost almost for someone to pass away or fall ill without someone thinking it’s a village affair.

2. Everyone who makes money via a witch doctor must die, or repent and lose everything.

I get the “a soul that sinneth” thing they are trying to preach, but the truth is, most evil men don’t die because of their ill-gotten money. They die because old age came knocking, or they fell (just like that).

I look forward to the day a film will tell the story of an evil billionaire, who doesn’t die at the end because of his ill-gotten wealth. Life is really not that serious. People make ‘blood money,’ and still live longer than that pure man who has never thought of doing evil.

3. Everything is possible with a pastor and his prayer squad gang.

First, there’s no disputing the fact that almost every Nigerian believes in a supreme being. But then, let’s be realistic, a pastor and his squad doesn’t make every problem, sickness and mishap go away.

But in most Nollywood films, almost the answer to every prayer request is “yes, my daughter, you’re healed.”

I look forward to a movie where the hero of a film actually passes away after that prayer squad prayers that comes towards the end of a movie.

4. That every love story must have a happy ending.

I recently saw a movie in the cinema, and I thought the happy ending was totally not necessary. In real life, people don’t always get that happy ending. In real life, the happy ending in a love story isn’t always about  “and they got married and lived happily ever after.”

Dear filmmaker, the film can end even if the girl doesn’t get the boy. You can give that heroine her happily-ever-after without her soulmate. Sometimes the happy ending can happen even without the man or woman’s presence.

Shonda Rhimes killed off Derek Shepherd  in “Grey’s Anatomy.” Yes, we cried, I mean that’s McDreamy our crush! But we have moved on, and that’s reality.

5. That all witches are ugly.

It’s without doubt that most of our filmmakers are yet to meet a sexy, hot and beautiful witch, who doesn’t tie a piece of white and red cloth around their body. And no, they don’t all live in the village!

6. That royalty still exists in Nigeria.

I have decided to take our “royalty” movies as Hollywood’s “superhero” films, because you and I will agree that they are unrealistic, and maybe entertaining.

Even in places where royalty exists in, they are not as dramatic and cringe-worthy as what is portrayed in our films.

7. Before a flashback, you must tilt your head back.

Try remembering the funny incident from 10 years ago. I bet you had to tilt your head to a certain direction. I’m also sure you didn’t remember jack when you tilted – that’s because it isn’t magic.

8. You must faint once you receive a bad news.

While most filmmakers have realized that it’s possible to receive a bad news, be dramatic about it and not faint, some are still trying to understand how that’s even possible.

Hello filmmaker, there are better and more artistic way to project a bad film scene without anyone fainting! But what do I know? I recently heard you have to know the art of filmmaking before you earn the right to share your thoughts on a good or bad film.

 

9. Vomiting is the first symptom of pregnancy.

I really would have skipped this point if I hadn’t recently seen Omoni Oboli rushing to vomit in “Fifty,”  and boom,! we had a pregnant Maria.

Unconsciously, most of us have had our friends rush out from a room to vomit, and the next question that follows is “mmmm, are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

Most pregnant women don’t even have the vomiting symptom. But what do I know? Our filmmakers are probably trying to portray the few women who announce their pregnancy via throwing up.

source: pulse.ng

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