“Marriage is not a noun, it’s a verb, it is not something you get, but something you do, it is the way you love your partner every day.” This beautiful quote about pretty much sums up the beautiful relationship that defines a couple who are united by this sacred bond of love, trust, partnership, respect and the need to be together.
Just as any other relationship, not all marriages are perfect, and they all come with their share of ups and downs. While it may sometimes seem better to give up and move on, if you are married to someone whom you loved once, it is worth giving it a shot again. Marriages may be made in heaven, but here on earth, you can surely do your bit to make sure it remains a happy one for you. Once the honeymoon period starts to wear off, try out a few tips that can help keep the spark and the romance alive in your marriage and make it your most favorite love story.
Tips To Make Your Marriage Happy:
Here are a few tips that can help you make your marriage a romantic, enjoyable and a rewarding experience:
1. Show Your Affection Often:
One of the first signs that your marriage is beyond its honeymoon period is when you start taking your partner for granted. Earlier you could not stop telling your partner how much you love him or what you love most about him, but now you stop saying it out aloud anymore.
Once your marriage matures, you may start toning down your romantic gestures. If earlier you greeted your partner with a full kiss on the mouth the moment you met after work, you may now just make do with a peck, or gradually stop doing that as well. It is possible that you start feeling so comfortable with your partner that your marriage runs the risk of turning into a routine, one where you go about your daily chores and handle your marriage in almost the same way.
If you or your partner does not feel an emotional connect in the marriage, there is a high probability that one of you may cheat on the other. To avoid any such incidences and to make sure that your partner knows how much you love and care, make your love for your partner evident, express it in your deeds and words.
Cook him his favorite meal and set up the dinner table with candles and flowers, to make it a date. Fill the tub and add a few drops of essential oil, ask your partner to get in with you and sit for an hour talking and cuddling up, taking it further the way you want. Call your partner in the day and tell him you have been thinking of him, or send him a love text.
2. Be Honest With Your Partner:
Yes, it can be quite embarrassing at times, but if you want to share your life with your man, learn how, to be honest with him about everything. You may feel that it is okay not to discuss certain things, or just brush off and make do with an excuse. However, coming out clean is the best way you can show your partner that he is important to you and that you choose not to have any secrets with him.
Once you start discussing things more honestly with your spouse, it will encourage him to open up to you. Most marriages go through a rough patch when there is a lack of honesty, and couples often tend to doubt each other when they feel their partners are not honest with them.
If you are not honest with your partner, it can make it difficult for him to trust you in situations where you are honest. If you do feel uncomfortable talking to your partner and opening up about certain things, try to bring it up at a time when you are both in a good mood and are in a private setting.
3. Avoid Being Angry At The Same Time:
Even though it is easier said than done, try and avoid expressing your anger when your spouse is already in a rough mood. When you are married, having arguments can be a common occurrence. However, if you want to avoid the small arguments from turning into snowballs of fights, make sure you know how to keep your cool.
Let your partner vent out his anger and say everything that is there to say. You do not have to listen to it all without putting forth your point, but make sure you do not turn this into a screaming match. Speak in a calm and controlled voice and do not throw accusations on him.
While your partner is already angry, your shouting and name-calling will only aggravate the matter, without helping the already heated up situation. A better way to work around your argument is to let your better half vent out all the anger, and later, when you feel he is past the shouting stage and is calmer, discuss your point with him.
4. Resolve Issues Before They Become Too Big:
One thing that most couples do is to fight and go to sleep angry at each other. At the time, it may seem the best thing to do, especially as you feel you do not want to talk to your partner at all.
Unfortunately, if you do not resolve your issues right then and there, chances are, you never will.
For instance, you have a fight with your husband, and both of you end up feeling angry and hurt. For the time being, you do not want to talk to him and feel the only thing you want to do is get away from him and tell him about your anger and hurt the next day. You both go off to sleep without talking to each other. But next day you get caught up in your daily routine, and there is never a chance to pick up the argument where you left it.
When you leave your resentment unattended, it will only turn into a bigger issue. Your partner may not even be aware that you are hurt by his comments or his actions. You will continue thinking about it, and the issue will continue to hurt you. As a result, your pain and anger will erupt another day in another argument.
Talk to your partner and tell him that you want to resolve issues before both of you end the day. It is good to give a fresh start to a new day. If you find it difficult to talk to your partner or feel that you are still too angry and talking may not be such a good idea, give him a hug and tell him that you love him and that you want the fights to be fewer.
5. Stay Groomed:
You may think it is in vain to be concerned about how you look, but wasn’t it one of the first things that you noticed about your spouse and vice versa?
It is possible that you have been married for many years now and have too much to handle – work responsibilities, kids and their lives, home chores, financial bills and so on. In the rush that you go through each day, it may be hard to take out time for yourself and look after your appearance, but it is important.
One of the reasons why many marriages tend to break and spouses end up cheating is because they do not find their partners attractive anymore. Once you take care of your appearance and dress up for your spouse, he will realize that you value the time you spend with him and want to look good for him.
You do not have to spend hours and a small fortune at a salon, but you can still make sure that you look presentable and elegant. Start by following a healthy eating and exercise routine so that you can take care of your overall appearance and your weight stays within a healthy range. While choosing clothes, do not go for what is on trend at the moment, but choose those that suit your body type. The idea is to be comfortable in whatever you are wearing and not feel awkward or uncomfortable, which will show up in your appearance. Add a little bit of makeup and a spritz of perfume to keep you fresh and classy.
6. Make Time For Sex:
Many couples complain that as the marriage progresses, the frequency of having sex goes down. The time you spent having sex when you were newly married and had lesser responsibilities can be quite difficult to match after years of marriage as other matters become a priority. But that does not mean that sex has to take a backseat.
Physical intimacy is crucial in any relationship. When you are married, it can be a great bond that will bring you and your partner closer to each other, physically as well as emotionally.
If both you and your partner want to have sex as much as the other one, you will surely manage to sneak out time no matter how busy your lives are. However, if you want it more than your partner does, do not shy away from telling him about it and helping him make some time. On the other hand, if your partner wants more sex than you do, try and find time from your busy routine at least a few times each week so that you can hit the sack.
Even though it may sound like a planned event, talk to your spouse about having a sex date. You can decide on a day of the week in advance when you want to ‘do it’. Once you know about your sexual date, you both will be able to keep your time free for the same without lining up other appointments or meeting. Also, when you know for sure that you will spend some intimate time with your partner, you will be able to finish up any important thing early.
Switch off all gadgets so that you are not disturbed by a sudden phone call from work or a mail notification. If you have young kids, you can leave them with a relative for that particular night, or for a few hours of the late evening and night. Alternatively, just to spice things up once in a while, you can leave the kids with the grandparents and head out to a romantic weekend.
7. Make More Friends:
This may seem like a tip that asks you to go away from your hubby, but it is healthy for your marriage. As much as you need to spend time with your partner and your kids, you should also make sure to spend time on your own, or with your friends.
For instance, head out for some ‘me’ time with your friends over the weekend or go to a fun weekend getaway. While it will surely be a relaxing and invigorating experience for you, it will also give you many interesting things to talk to your hubby once you are back.
If you feel that you only get limited time with your hubby through the week, plan your outings with your friends in such a way that it does not eat into the time that you spend with him.
There are many ways in which you can catch up with your friends, without the need to leave the city or to go overboard. You can meet up for a coffee or lunch date or head out for a movie together. If you want to do something more casual and laid back, you can meet them at home and just enjoy the day relaxing in your pajamas. Talk to your friends, share the laugh and you will come back feeling happy and less stressed, which will work in a positive way for your marriage.
8. Ease Up A Little:
Remember that not everyone is perfect, not even you, and it is okay if your partner does not do everything the way you feel is the best.
When you are married to someone and live together, there are many things that you may like or hate about your spouse.
For instance, your partner always leaves a wet towel hanging on the chair at the dining table, instead of putting it away to dry. Even though you have asked him repeatedly to do so, he never seems to listen to you. Instead of getting angry and having an unpleasant argument each day about the same issue, ease up a little and do it yourself.
It will take you lesser than a minute to pick up the towel and place it where you want to, without causing any rift in your marriage. But if you do continue to fight with your partner each morning about why he left the wet towel there, he is bound to feel that you are nagging and complaining.
9. Understand And Value The Importance Of Space:
Your partner is married to you but that does not mean he does not have a life of his own, just as you do too.
You may feel that your husband spent all his free time with you in the initial months after marriage, but now, after a few years have passed, he barely gives you time. Of course it is important to spend quality time with each other when you are married. But for you and your partner to be happy individuals, you should also invest some time in yourself.
If he wants to spend the evening watching a match instead of sitting with you and talking, let him relax in his way. You can use the time to go out with your friends or relax with some music and read a book.
The idea is to try and explore things that you can do alone or without your partner instead of needing him all the times. Just as you should go out and enjoy with your set of friends or on your own, you should let your spouse do the same too, without complaining. However, make sure that you also spend quality time with each other and do not spend all your free time away from each other.
10. Find Joy And Companionship In Each Other:
All the small gestures that you show towards your spouse will matter a lot when it comes to making your marriage a happy one. In addition to what you do and what you say to your partner, what you do not do and what you do not say can also matter a lot.
For instance, you may be in the middle of an argument when your partner says something that hurts. But you know it is not something very big and he is probably right. Your first reaction will be to get back to him with a similar insult and retort and ask him to take back what he said. The other way to deal with this would be that you let it go, and not just for the moment, but forever. Instead of holding on to the point that your husband used to insult you and use it later against him, just erase it from your thought.
Similarly, small gestures will show your partner that you care for him and are there for him. Using small but important phrases such as ‘thank you, ‘sorry,’ ‘please’ and ‘I love you’ may sound not too important, but will show your partner that you do respect him and do not take him for granted.
Making time for your marriage and giving it the priority will also show your partner that you love spending time with him. If you have two events to choose from, one with your friends and the other that your partner has already planned for you, try to go for the latter. You can tell your friends that you want to spend time with your husband and that you will make up for this missed event by planning another one soon. While you should try and balance your married life with your social life, you should give a little more importance to your partner and your marriage.
Small Everyday Things To Make Your Partner Happy:
Here are a few everyday things that you can do for your partner to make your marriage a happy one:
Wake up your partner in the morning with a good morning hug and kiss, or better still, surprise him with some good morning sex.
Plan a lunch date with your man in the middle of a busy work week. If time allows you, cook a lunch for him and take it to his office, where you can both share it.
Buy a dress that you will only wear when you are out with your partner.
Surprise your partner by keeping a new perfume in his dresser.
Send a mail to your partner listing ten things that you love the most about him.
Create a collage of your wedding pics and frame it up.
There are many ways in which you can find out what will work best for you and your partner to help the marriage stay happy. Of course, there will be difficult days, but with your effort, you can always sort them out and make sure that both you and your husband are happy to be in this bond.
source: Moms Conjunction