Why You Only Find Love When You Stop Looking For It
Love is a curious thing and most people are looking for it. Women seem to be especially susceptible to feeling the need to find someone to be with. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in the company of a friend and the subject of their need for a life partner has come up in the course of the conversation. The neediness and desperation of people often shows through their vulnerability for love. There is just one problem: neediness and desperation are not attractive. Want to know why it seems so common for people to find a partner when they aren’t looking? Keep reading for a couple of points on the subject:
Stop evaluating everyone as the potential “One”.
I have a girlfriend that is constantly talking about wanting to settle down with a man. Each time I talk to her, she seems to be evaluating every man she encounters as a potential husband. I finally had to tell her, “I hope you don’t come across as this desperate when out on a date.” My point is that a man can sense desperation from a woman, and no one wants to feel that they are being evaluated as a potential life partner, especially on a first date.
Desperation comes across as a sign of weakness.
Desperation and neediness can come across as signs of weakness and low self-esteem, which can quell a spark before it starts. When a person is desperate to find a mate, he or she may not realize that conversations with others may be too transparent too soon. You do not have to tell your life story and personal details the first time you meet someone. Part of the appeal of someone is his or her mysteriousness.
When you stop looking for love, it appears.
When my husband and I met, I was not looking for a boyfriend, much less a husband. I had not given up on the prospect, but I was at a point in my life where that was not my focus. Because I was focused on my own pursuits at that time, men were coming out of nowhere asking me out on dates.
When you are not looking for someone to love, that is when people tend to appear. The simple fact of focusing on other pursuits gives off an air of confidence to others. Focusing on your own life growth not only makes you a better person, but also makes you a better potential life partner. That is something that exudes from one’s personality and gives off that attractive confidence.
Not forcing love is more rewarding.
Being in love through “fate,” and not forcing a match between two people, is much more rewarding and lasting than trying to find a partner. Allowing the right person into your life through chance is much less exhausting than seeing every person as potentially being the “one” for you. Allowing love to find you will feel less stressful and more like a match made in heaven, rather than something that is fake and contrived.
Don’t lose your objectivity to overuse.
Constantly looking for love can diminish your ability to be objective about people you meet. If that objectivity fades, how can you discern who is right for you in a relationship? After a while, everyone seems to be a good fit because youwant him or her to be, not because he or she is the right fit. I have seen women make this mistake and lose their ability to make sound, coherent judgments of the character of others.
Law of Attraction
“Like attracts like” is the law of attraction–not in the sense that you want to attract someone exactly like you in terms of personality traits, but that you want love to attract itself to you. Also, the idea behind the concept is that the energy you give off is attractive to others. Being positive and relaxed will most certainly attract love to you in its own time.
Finding love should not be a burden.
Letting love happen naturally will most certainly expedite your finding the right person. When you stop looking, the right person seems to walk in the door unexpectedly. Sometimes it is a psychological idea that when you take your mind off something, it happens. Finding love should not be burdensome, but fun. Do you not think it is more romantic when someone wants to be with you, just because? I certainly do.
Patience will bring the right person along.
More often than not, when you are desperately seeking love, you will be more likely to date any jerk that comes along. Patience is the key to finding the right person and letting love find you. Rushing into finding someone opens you up to the vulnerability of falling for the wrong person–like someone who may only be looking for a fling.
So, next time you are out with your friends, relax, take a deep breath, have fun, and be yourself. Do not try so hard to make someone like you. Just let love bloom naturally. You may find yourself in love sooner than you think.