In a word where dates are now literally on tap, thanks to apps such as Tinder, many of us are skipping the friendship bit and diving straight into a relationship. But is this really a good thing?
Friendships rock. Being friends with a guy before you get into a relationship with him has numerous advantages. You already know him inside out, you know he’s not going to mess you around, and you’ve known him for so long and still don’t want to kill him. Match made in heaven, right?
If you’re wondering what the benefits of becoming friends before starting a relationship are, let’s take a look at 10 of them.
He Would Never Make The Same Mistakes That Your Ex Did
He’s your friend, so it’s a good chance he knows how badly your previous relationships went. Perhaps you told him about the ex who used to lick your face, or maybe you told him about the guy who slept with you once or twice before failing to return your texts and calls.
He knows what went wrong and how hurt you were – and he’d never repeat those same mistakes.
Friends don’t hurt friends. It’s a general rule. If he’s your buddy, he’s going to make darn sure that he doesn’t make the same mistakes that your ex did.
There Is A Good Chance This One Will Last
Why did you previous relationships fall apart? Maybe it was because the two of you disagreed about something as small as his drinking, or perhaps he was too needy.
There are many reasons why a relationship doesn’t last. But because it’s essentially a lotto, we never have any clue whether this one is going to be forever.
When you’re friends first, you know for sure that this is going to last.
He Knows You’ve Got Issues – And He’s Cool With Them
The problem with dating a new guy is that he doesn’t know us inside-out. He only knows the early image we’ve presented to him. The blemish-free image without faults. The awesome image that’s pretty much perfect. The one without any faults.
And once he finds out about your issues, he doesn’t want to know anymore. Darn it.
Your friend is different. He already knows all about your issues – and he understands them. Not only does he understand them, but he’s also totally cool with them.
He Gets Your Sense Of Humour
It’s always a bit weird telling a joke to a guy for the first time. It could go one of two ways: It could go so well that he laughs until he dies (hopefully not literally), or it might finally be the moment when he realises that you’re a bit of an odd person with an odd sense of humour.
For a couple to work out, their sense of humour has to match up. When you’re friends with a guy first before starting a relationship, he already knows what makes you laugh and what doesn’t. For this reason, there doesn’t have to be any awkward silences whenever you tell your favourite joke about German dictators.
He Has Negative Qualities – But You Like Them
I’m super fussy when it comes to dating. If a guy smokes, it’s a deal breaker for me. One time, it was two weeks into a relationship before I discovered my boyfriend was an ex-smoker – and he could no longer hold out. As soon as he lit up, I was out of there.
Your friend will have negative qualities, but by now you know whether or not they’re the kind that you can bear – or whether they’re enough for you guys to never make it.
You Know When He’s Stressed And Not Mental
You know the old saying: Women are from Venus and men are from Mars. This basically means that we can’t understand guys during the first few weeks of dating and they can’t understand us either.
This can become really problematic if you can’t read him when he’s stressed. While the explanation for his bad moods is probably something as simple as a bad day at work, you might wrongly assume that it’s because he’s completely insane.
When you’re friends first, you’re better able to recognise when your man is stressed and needs a bit of tender love and car – and when he’s a sociopath.
You Know He’s Got Class
I remember my first boyfriend for all the wrong reasons. We met at my high school’s prom, where we shared a stolen kiss under the disco ball. We started dating the very next day. Under the dim lights of the disco ball, he looked really cute and I thought he was quite the catch.
The next day I realised that he wasn’t a catch at all. Instead of an amazing fish, I’d reeled in the worm at the end of my bait. I didn’t have a clue whohe was, and consequently I wasn’t prepared for his idea of a date. He took me to the cheapest, dirtiest cafe in town and expected me to pick up the tab!
Take my advice: Be friends first. Get to know if he’s the kind of guy who’s going to take you on dates that rock or dates that terrify you.
You Know You Can Rely On Him
Your friends are (generally speaking) people that you can trust. If you and your friend decide to take things a step further, your relationship should theoretically be based on trust and understanding.
You Know That He’s Fun
Sometimes, a relationship just doesn’t work out because a couples’ idea of fun is not on the same level. While you might want prefer to take spontaneous road trips, he’d rather stay in, chop some wood and haveanother movie night.
When you’re friends with someone, you’ve already had enough time to know whether or not the two of you are going to have some fun together. When you want to go for a dance late at night, you know he’s not going to grump and say that he was just about to slip into his pyjamas.
It’s Not All About Looks
When we fall for a really handsome guy, it can cause us to make some pretty irrational decisions. Instead of admitting that we don’t actually have anything common, we keep the sham relationship going because he’s justso beautiful.
For a relationship to last, there absolutely must be some substance. It can’t be purely about looks alone. And when you’re both friends before lovers, you know there is so much more to this than bedroom shenanigans.