A fan of FIN share her hilarious story with her ‘supposed’ suitor on their Facebook fan page. Read what she’s got to say:
“So back then when I was In Uni, I had this suitor who wanted to marry me sharp sharp. The guy loved me scatter but I wasn’t ready for marriage. I was running a prog then in school trying to secure admission, marriage was the very last thing on the agenda. So, one day he left Enugu and came to Awka to See Me, he invited me to join him to a state dinner where he was one of the dignitaries that was being expected. Wow!!! Opportunity of a lifetime to meet some correct pipus them. I glamed up 100%… Did a powerful makeup.. E know arranged myself well well and went for this dinner.
First mistake, I got there so late and discovered that the kine dinner had a dress code, attendees were all expected to be on SUITS. only me wore one long fitted gown with a slit from London to New York. I was to join him on the high table. It was the longest walk of shame ever with over a hundred judgemental eyes fixated on me.
I thank God I sat down without the ground swallowing me up. Great! Foood time! At last, after all the boring talk. I had vowed that I wasn’t going to fall my hands again. I must use cutlery wein I no sabi use till today sef. Choi!! Biggest mistake ever. The utensils kept falling off my hands and hitting the tiles and calling on the attention of everyone in that hall. It was so shameful each time I had to bend down to pick up spoon or fork. Someone on the high table! This my suitor was so ashamed of me. He whispered, ‘just drop these things and eat with your hand’. I wished once more to be swallowed by the ground. Hmm.. I’ll leave you to imagine the look on the faces of people around me esp the women. Choi..
As if that was not enough, I went further to disgrace us both. You know I had to drop the kine cutlery and eat with my hands finally sha. After I had downloaded, I washed my hands in the bowl of water and almost rubbed them off on my beauriful gown until I remembered that this no be my room and there’s this ’tissue paper’ they use to clean hands outside sef. What’s the name of that thing? I couldn’t Remember.
All I knew was that it starts with an ‘S’. After bout 5 minutes, it hit me and I turned and asked him to provide Souvenir for me. He was shocked. He asked me what I needed a souvenir for in a formal event. Me wanting to form ITK, kept on insisting that Souverniers were meant to be placed on every table. Who are the stupid organisers of this program sef? I screamed. People turned and looked at me.. I then shamelessly called an usher to go and get me souvenir.. She was stunned and answered politely that there was none available as it wasn’t used in such occasions. I then screamed at her, ‘so what do you now want me to use and clean my hands ehen’. The man was so ashamed and he asked me, ‘Jessica is it serviettes you’re looking for? ‘…
And then it hit me, GOBE!!!! that was the S word I was searching for. See me trying to shamelessly cover up. I told him. Well.. Well.. Souvenir is the general name na.. Ehen.. It’s one and the same! By that time, everyone at the table had had enough of me.. It was truly shameful sisters..
I bowed my head in shame as we left the dinner.
Did I mention that since I was at the high table, I was expected to donate ‘something ‘… Come and hear big big pledges from those men including the one I came with. When the microphone got to me, I shamelessly said I don’t have money na, please remove this thing Abeg! Coz I don already vex with everything. I didn’t even know I was speaking into the mic and those eyes.. Gosh!!! It was a terrible horrible no good dinner.
It did not end there o. I agreed to follow him back to his base in Enugu to pass the night. In fact that relationship was never meant to be. Guess what!
For reasons best known to my creator, I vomited all over the house, toilet, kitchen, bedroom, living room.. Everywhere Mehn… It was a horrible night. Vomit vomit upandan! He couldn’t sleep. As early as 6.30 am the next morning,he bundled me off to the nearest pack and sent me back to school with 500 naira. Yeye man! I never heard from that suitor again ????”