When someone hears the word “argument” there aren’t a lot of positive associations.
It usually represents anger, frustration, annoyance, stubbornness, etc. This is especially true when it comes to arguments and married couples.
But in fact, the opposite could not be truer.
Yes it is true that there are certain types of arguments or fights that should never occur in a healthy marriage.
However, a new scientific study has found that there are certain techniques and methods that long-lasting couples do when they argue that actually creates a healthier and longer relationship in the end.
The importance of understanding
According to Serena Chen, professor of psychology and professor at the University of California at Berkeley, said that feeling understood, regardless of whether it’s grounded in reality, can be enormously good for general wellbeing.
What that translates to is that no matter what type of argument you are having with your spouse, as long at both of you know where each other is coming from, the argument will be productive rather than destructive.
This means that although you may disagree with your husband or wives’ point of you, you will listen to it carefully, and try to take it to heart and think about it.
Stabilizing a rocky situation
In another study done by the University of California Berkeley and the Gottman Institute, psychologist Robert Levenson, Gottman conducted a 14-year study of 79 married couples living across the US Midwest.
One of the traits that identifies among the couples that stayed together over this period of time was that when they got into an argument, for whatever reason, they made sure to openly communicate and discuss the argument right after it happened.
The study found that the couples who waited and stewed in their angry emotions were more likely to separate at some time, because the longer they waited the stronger and rougher the emotions created in that argument became.
Listening and not calling each other out
Something that was uncovered in the study was that a habit amongst the couples who got divorces was that in the middle of arguments they tended to disregard their spouse’s opinion or tell they were wrong or illogical.
On the other hand, the couples who stayed together did not insert their opinion while their spouses were trying to explain their side and admitted when they were wrong and pointed out how the other could be right.
The key with all of these findings from these different studies is that actual arguments do not need to be a bad thing in a marriage, in fact, when these techniques are applied they can make arguments an opportunity to improve and grow as a couple.
It won’t always be easy to listen when you feel you are absolutely right and they are absolutely wrong, but the great thing is that you both can learn over time with the help of one another. For the person you love, it will always be worth it.