1. Wild Passion
This part is easy. Usually good looks attract us initially. Stage 1 is a time of excitement and romance. However, many people seek my professional help when, after the first glow of passion starts to fade, they find themselves in the midst of Stage 2, feeling challenged and disappointed when they realize their happily-ever-after fantasies are an illusion.
2. Disappointment and Reckoning
When the magic fades, disappointments may appear and resentments grow. The partner you once found exciting now may seem boring. Habits that you thought were sweet now drive you up the wall. Maybe your partner has gained weight and doesn’t look sexy anymore. Or, he never got that promotion at work and is not making enough money to support the family in the style you expected. Have parenting obligations begun to push you apart?
The way to get through the disappointment stage is by learning how to recognize and honor your differences and incompatibilities in a supportive, caring constructive manner. The first step is to look for the echoes of what you once had.
3. Deepening and Flowing
You might want to try what worked for them in order to deal with your doldrums. You can perform your relationship check-up anywhere, at any time; however, it works best if you find a place and time where you won’t be interrupted.
Begin by reminiscing about how you met. What attracted you to each other? Share what good qualities you still cherish. In my article, Driving Each Other Crazy? It’s In Your DNA, I point out the ways we are different from our spouses or lovers that are part of our temperament and will never change. Share one of the things you dislike about your lover. Rate how upset you feel from 0-10 as you bring it to mind.
Complete a few more rounds of gentle tapping focused on the same topic. The goal is to reach zero, which means that you are able to acknowledge that your lover is doing the best he or she can, and you are no longer angry or resentful. You can accept him or her as they are today, that they are doing the best they can.
When you tap these acupressure points, it helps you relax and release tension, anger or fear. When that happens you may find that your thoughts become clearer. For example, as you tap you may realize that you, too, have behaviors or beliefs that make your significant other feel upset with you.