47 Views

Being Too Strict With Your Children Can Lead To Behavioural Problems

Being overly strict with your children can have unintended long-terms repercussions

Many black children grow up fearing their parents or risk being harshly disciplined if they don’t tow the line. However, there is some proof indicating that being too strict with your children has negative repercussions, including depression, bullying and rebellion.

Dumisile Nala, National Executive Officer for Child Line, says overly strict and authoritarian child-rearing is not specific to black households.

“It’s not only the African culture, you also hear of other cultures where parents feel that if they are being feared, then things will go properly. But sometimes it is a false sense of hope that if children are fearful of you then they will do as you tell them,” she explains.

Despite many parents thinking that this way of raising children is the correct way, there are a number of pitfalls that come with raising children who are scared of you as a parent.

A study done by the University of Michigan in 2013 found that parents who used harsh words to discipline their teenagers made their behaviour worse. The study, which was published in the Child Development Journal, found that teenagers who were exposed to harsh verbal discipline were more likely to be depressed; and children whose parents yelled at them and belittled them for bad behaviour increased the chances of their kids engaging in bad behaviour such as such as misbehaving at school, lying to parents, stealing, or fighting.

Nala says parents who force their children to fear them by using harsh discipline often exacerbate the situation: “What we see then is that their behaviour goes underground. They still do those things that we don’t want them to do, but they just don’t tell us about it. Sometimes we don’t hear about them until  the situations are serious or severe.”

Many children can relate to hearing their mothers scaring them with the imminent arrival of their fathers or father figures when they have done something wrong. Nala says this is counter-productive to building a solid relationship between children and their parents.

“Sometimes mothers will threaten children with their fathers, [saying] ‘Your father will come home and he will sort you out’, and in that way we create fear of fathers, that they will come home and they will sort me out – and sorting out of course means a hiding,” she explains.

Parenting.com says another danger of being too harsh with your child is that children do not learn how to regulate their own behaviour. A fear of harsh retribution makes children reluctant to take responsibility for their actions. This means that children cannot self-regulate their behaviour and, instead, wait for something outside of themselves to lead them to ‘good’ behaviour,  and this can be carried out into adulthood.

Having an open respect-based relationship with your children goes a long way in ensuring that your child feels open to speak to you as a parent. Nala says when children are going through a tough time, they are more likely to consult their parent if the relationship is not fraught with anxiety.

“If there is a good relationship between parent and child, then children are able to talk to their parents when they are facing challenges or if there are things they don’t understand. Whereas if  the relationship is tense or the child is fearful of their parents, then they are not able to go to them for help to they,” she says.

The secret to having a good relationship is starting while children are young because it is difficult to change once they grow up. Nala says this does not mean letting your child run amok.

“It is difficult for a parent to say, ‘I will start having a good relationship with my child when they are teenagers.’ We have to nurture those relationships right from when they are growing up. Having a relationship with your child doesn’t mean that you have to allow them to do what they want or [that] everything goes, you are still a parent  and you still have the responsibility to guide them, but the relationship means being open, listening to them so that they feel that they can engage with you,” she says.

 

Source: Destinyconnect

Get the best viral stories straight into your inbox!

Don't worry, we don't spam

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Latest Posts

Photos from Davido’s Friend, Tagbo Umeike’s Burial in Anambra State
Entertainment
32 views
Entertainment
32 views

Photos from Davido’s Friend, Tagbo Umeike’s Burial in Anambra State

PH - October 22, 2017

Davido's friend, Tagbo Umeike who died from suffocation and alcohol poisoning on the eve of his birthday at Shisha Lounge in Lekki, Lagos on October 2, has…

5 Quick And Stunning Facts About The Nigerian That Painted Obama’s Portrait
Best of Nigeria
42 views
Best of Nigeria
42 views

5 Quick And Stunning Facts About The Nigerian That Painted Obama’s Portrait

Mabel - October 21, 2017

The skilled craftsman who is a New York-based representation painter, known for his exceedingly naturalistic depictions of dark individuals in chivalrous postures, will be the main dark…

Eat These Common Foods And Lessen Your Risk Of Colon Cancer
Food and Health
51 views
Food and Health
51 views

Eat These Common Foods And Lessen Your Risk Of Colon Cancer

Mabel - October 21, 2017

You know entire grains are useful for your heart, yet they may have another advantage, as well, as indicated by a new report from the World Cancer Research…

SEE This Nollywood Director’s ‘Birthday Cake’ Everyone Is Talking About – [One Of A Kind]
Entertainment
49 views
Entertainment
49 views

SEE This Nollywood Director’s ‘Birthday Cake’ Everyone Is Talking About – [One Of A Kind]

MT - October 21, 2017

  Nollywood director, Ugezu J. Ugezu who is currently on set with his crew for the making of the movie ‘THRONE OF REVENGE’, celebrated his birthday with…

5 Drugs That Get Nigerians High Far More Than Marijuana
Food and Health
43 views
Food and Health
43 views

5 Drugs That Get Nigerians High Far More Than Marijuana

Mabel - October 21, 2017

  The codeine culture is getting more intensed in north and in urban ranges of Southern Nigeria. It is the most loved medication of decision for some…

Exquisite First Photos From Ex Governor, Mimiko’s Daughter’ Traditional Wedding In Akure
Politics
47 views
Politics
47 views

Exquisite First Photos From Ex Governor, Mimiko’s Daughter’ Traditional Wedding In Akure

MT - October 21, 2017

On Thursday 19th October, 2017, Ondo State’s former Governor Mimiko’s daughter, Bibitayo tied the knot with his sweet heart, Adetola Aderemi in the State’s capital, Akure. Dignitaries…

How Actor Mofe Duncan’s Sister Was Chased To The Point Of Death By FRSC Officials – Friend
Entertainment
34 views
Entertainment
34 views

How Actor Mofe Duncan’s Sister Was Chased To The Point Of Death By FRSC Officials – Friend

MT - October 21, 2017

  Nollywood actor, Mofe Duncan took to Instagram moments ago to narrate how his sister Matilda sustained injuries in an auto accident in Abuja. The accident, according…

Nigeria’s First Lady, Aisha Buhari Relaxes On A Yacht With Wives Of Other Leaders In Turkey (Photos)
Politics
45 views
Politics
45 views

Nigeria’s First Lady, Aisha Buhari Relaxes On A Yacht With Wives Of Other Leaders In Turkey (Photos)

MT - October 21, 2017

Nigeria’s First Lady, Mrs Aisha Buhari was seen with wives of other world leaders relaxing on a yacht in Instanbul while being hosted by the First Lady…

Quick Reminder Facts About ‘Legendary DaGrin’ As Fans Celebrate His 30th Posthumous Birthday
Buzz & Trends
34 views
Buzz & Trends
34 views

Quick Reminder Facts About ‘Legendary DaGrin’ As Fans Celebrate His 30th Posthumous Birthday

Mabel - October 21, 2017

Oladapo Olaitan Olaonipekun, also known as Dagrin (21 October 1987 – 22 April 2010), was an award-winning Nigerian rapper from Ogun, Nigeria. A film of his life…

Atiku’s Ex Daughter-in-law, Miss Ummi Reveals What Led To The Custody Battle With Ex Hubby Aminu
Politics
43 views
Politics
43 views

Atiku’s Ex Daughter-in-law, Miss Ummi Reveals What Led To The Custody Battle With Ex Hubby Aminu

MT - October 21, 2017

In an interview with Punch, Miss Ummi Bukar Bolori, ex wife of Aminu, one of the sons of the former vice president of Nigeria, Abubakar Atiku, reveals…

Kebbi State’s Accountant-General, Mohammed Dakingari, Sentenced To 70yrs Jail Term For This Reason.
Politics
40 views
Politics
40 views

Kebbi State’s Accountant-General, Mohammed Dakingari, Sentenced To 70yrs Jail Term For This Reason.

MT - October 21, 2017

The Court of Appeal Kebbi Division has upturned the judgment of a Kebbi State High Court which discharged and acquitted Mohammed Arzika Dakingari, Accountant General of Kebbi…

This Is What Governor Amosun Is Saying About The Stories Making Round That A Youth Corper Gave Birth To Twins For Him
Politics
61 views
Politics
61 views

This Is What Governor Amosun Is Saying About The Stories Making Round That A Youth Corper Gave Birth To Twins For Him

MT - October 21, 2017

Mr Ibikunle Amosun, the governor of Ogun State, on Friday morning broke his silence on what he considered as the avalanches of rumours and falsehood being peddled…

Bidemi Kosoko Shares Adorable Birthday Photos With Well Wishers
Buzz & Trends
34 views
Buzz & Trends
34 views

Bidemi Kosoko Shares Adorable Birthday Photos With Well Wishers

Mabel - October 21, 2017

Nollywood performing artist and girl of Veteran on-screen character Jide Kosoko, Bidemi Kosoko is a year more established today and the on-screen character has dropped some lovely…

Bishop Oyedepo Speaks On The Spiritual Attack On His Private Jet That Almost Killed Him Recently
Religion
47 views
Religion
47 views

Bishop Oyedepo Speaks On The Spiritual Attack On His Private Jet That Almost Killed Him Recently

MT - October 21, 2017

It was praise, worship and thanksgiving to God yesterday at Canaanland, Otta, the headquarters of the Living Faith Church Worldwide (LFCWW) . The leadership and members of…

PHOTOS: ‘I Wish My Mum Was Alive To See This’ – Davido Gushes As He Takes Photos With Oba Ewuare Of Benin
Entertainment
75 views
Entertainment
75 views

PHOTOS: ‘I Wish My Mum Was Alive To See This’ – Davido Gushes As He Takes Photos With Oba Ewuare Of Benin

MT - October 21, 2017

Nigerian music star, Davido earlier today was pictured with Edo Crown Prince for the first year anniversary of Oba Ewuare II of Benin Kingdom coronation today. The…

How This Nigerian Lady, Ekprimma Called Out An Uyo Doctor For Molesting Her Will Shock You
Shocking
28 views
Shocking
28 views

How This Nigerian Lady, Ekprimma Called Out An Uyo Doctor For Molesting Her Will Shock You

MT - October 21, 2017

An enraged Nigerian lady, Ekprimma Koko is set to go to Uyo on Sunday to probably show the whole world the man who molested her several times…

MBGN 2017 Winner, Ugochi Ihezue Super Excited As She Receives Her Official Car (Photos)
Entertainment
29 views
Entertainment
29 views

MBGN 2017 Winner, Ugochi Ihezue Super Excited As She Receives Her Official Car (Photos)

MT - October 21, 2017

Newly crowned Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria, Ugochi Ihezue has received her official Car. The model who beat 35 contestants and walked home with the Crown got…

Former Militant Leader, Asari Dokubo Has This Strong Message For President Buhari (New Video)
Politics
38 views
Politics
38 views

Former Militant Leader, Asari Dokubo Has This Strong Message For President Buhari (New Video)

MT - October 21, 2017

Former Niger Delta militant leader, Asari Dokubo, has come for President Buhari again. In this new video, Dokubo described the President as a ''satan'' for neglecting people…

Loading...