Things Girls Hate About Being Girls

1. Childbirth

While we have a secret love for periods because it means we’ve avoided pregnancy for another month, when we finally do decide we’d like a family, we have to push a small human being out of a small hole known as a v**ina.

I don’t know about you, but the last time I checked, my lady hole didn’t look like a big enough exit.

I’m well aware of the power of pelvic bone expansion, but it genuinely makes us never want to have s*x again.

2. Hormones

Not only is it bad enough that Mother Nature makes us bleed for five consecutive days, she also throws in stomach cramps and a backache for fun. Oh, but it doesn’t stop there.

We also have these unpredictable chemical substances that decide to erupt without warning.

Common symptoms include feeling fat 24/7 and uncontrollably sobbing into a tub of ice cream for no apparent reason.

If you think you might be experiencing hormones, grab your best friend, a blanket and some serious comfort food.


3. Boys

We like but we also sometimes hate them with every bone in our body.

I know there are some good eggs, but the majority of the time, it seems as though they’re few and far between.

We can’t seem to decide whether they actually just don’t ever think, or whether every move is calculated and intentional.

Whatever the rationale is behind it, we’re all kind of sick of the modern-day dating attitude. If you want our attention and respect, don’t be a man-hood.


4. Instagram explore page

Oh my God. Can we not? There are two real issues with this place. First, it makes us depressed that we’re not skinny, tanned goddesses with perfectly-winged eyeliner and eyebrows on fleek.

Second, when we subconsciously double tap, it’s always on the photo that has about 12 likes and was posted by that girl you know, but don’t really know, who now probably thinks you stalk her. It’s an addictive, guilty pleasure we just can’t seem to kick.

5. Shaving

Boyfriend-less winters are fab because we can practically start a fire with the friction, but when summer rolls around, (or adult sleepovers, whatever tickles your fancy), it’s a whole different ball game.

We’re not really sure if boys or general members of the public really care, but we like to have, or at least pretend to have, a little bit of pride in our appearances.

We’re still not really sure whether silky-smooth legs are worth the multiple razor cuts we endure.

6. Weight Gain

“Thinkin’ ’bout dat summer body, but also ’bout dem tacos” – sound familiar? We love to eat, but we also love to look good.

The struggle is real. We could eat everything in moderation, but it’s much more fun to eat in excess and privately nurse a food baby afterward.

A moment on the lips really is proving to be a lifetime on the hips, which is made even more depressing when you realize it takes about half an hour on the treadmill to burn off half a Mars bar.

7. Breakouts

These really are the bane of our lives. They come when you’re on your period, off your period, happy, sad or just generally breathing.

What’s more is that they have the power to make us feel like absolute sh*t. There’s no way to have a positive attitude toward zits and there’s certainly no way to embrace them.

We just have to use half a tube of concealer and a 2008 side fringe to try and cover them.

Note to self: Don’t ever tell someone she has food on her face — it’s probably a zit.

8. Overthinking

Overactive brains are probably the most common girl problem because whatever we do, we just cannot stop thinking and it drives us crazy.

We go over every tiny detail in our heads and generate answers to questions we’ll probably never get asked.

We run through completely fictional scenarios and conjure up the most kickass comebacks just because. Tip for any of you boys: If you ask a girl what she’s thinking and she says nothing, run.


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