Things you say have a significant impact on your marriage. Men are sometimes called uncommunicative, but it doesn’t mean that they do not need affirming or kind words from their wives. We have compiled a list of some things that you should and shouldn’t say to your husband. So, read on to learn more.
20 Things You Should Tell Your Husband:
1. “I appreciate you and everything you do”:
Many married men and those in a relationship often complain about how their better halves do not let them know that they are appreciated. One thing you should say more to your husband is how much you appreciate him and what he does. This will boost his confidence and also make him want to do even more. This is a good thing, especially when you want to strengthen your marriage.
2. “Thanks for helping around the house”:
Helping around the house can be a little daunting for your husband. You are more than likely to have your own way of doing things, and he will not want to mess that up. However, when he does help out, make sure that you let him know that you are grateful. He may not do things exactly the way you like them to be done, but at least he is trying.
3. “Is there something I can do for you?”
Most times, men do not feel like telling anyone when they need help from someone else. You should ask your spouse if he needs something and whether you can help in any way. This shows him that you care and that you do acknowledge the hard work he is putting in, whether it is in your marriage or looking after you, your family and your home. Men need help sometimes too; they just do not know how to ask for it, so keep in mind to ask if there is anything you can do.
4. “How are you?”
This may sound a little silly, but let’s face it – everyone needs to talk things out. Take the time to ask your husband how he is. You may get an unexpected reply. Maybe he is insecure about something and feels uncomfortable bringing it up. Or maybe he is perfectly fine. You will never know unless you ask. This simple question will show your husband that you are concerned and that you will be there for him, no matter what.
5. “I am committed to you”:
Like many other things in life, love can be fleeting. Committing to someone shows that your love is strong and much more than a simple emotion. A commitment transcends love. It is about choosing to stick with someone in spite of circumstances or feelings. When you show and also voice out your commitment, it makes your husband feel secure and strengthen his commitment to you and your marriage as well.
6. “Let’s work things out”:
Instead of trying to resolve your problems with harsh words and a lot of yelling, take a deep breath, calm down and tell your husband that you want to work things out, and you are doing it the wrong way. Reassure him that you are willing to do anything to take care of the problems you have. The last thing your husband wants to do is shout and fight with you so he will appreciate these words and probably feels the same way too.
7. “We should work together to make this work”:
If you are going through marital issues, you need to work together as a couple to resolve things and save your marriage. It can be easy to blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong in the marriage. However, remember that it takes two hands to clap, so you need to work with each other, not against each other. When you tell your husband this, he will appreciate you even more, especially since you are not putting all the blame on him.
8. “I know you will probably say no, but…”:
If you are planning to make a request for something, starting out on a negative note like this will most likely make your husband feel like saying “no.” You should frame your words in a positive way, and it will sound much better. It will also give you more positive results.
9. “Let’s spend more time together”:
With both your busy schedules, you and your husband probably do not get enough time together. Making this suggestion will make him feel special and also make him feel like you are willing to work towards making your marriage last. You need to spend quality time together to be able to nurture your relationship and allow it to grow. Letting your husband know that you want to spend more time with him also shows that you feel close to him and miss him. He probably feels the same way. Set up a fun, romantic date night and make it a must to take a day out of the week for each other.
10. “Do you want to talk about it later?”
This is something that your husband is sure to appreciate. As you know, men have a more difficult time communicating. Just because you are ready to hash things out does not mean he is. By giving him the option of talking about things later, you give him a chance to think things through and find out what he wants to say. This will help a lot when the time comes for you both to sit down and talk things through.
11. “Do you need time alone?”
Again, this gives your husband time to cool off and think things through before actually discussing anything. By asking him this, you show him that you understand that he needs time and that you are willing to give him that time. You also let him know that you care about his feelings too, not just yours. This will make him appreciate you more and he will work towards resolving the issues you have.
12. “You have my 100% support”:
This is something that every spouse needs to hear. It is what will drive him to do better, not only in the marriage but life as well. You and your husband will need each other’s back through thick and thin, and by telling your husband that you are with him all the way, you are letting him know that you are 100% committed to your marriage. This is a great way to strengthen your marriage and bond even more as a couple.
13. “I like you”:
Short, simple and sweet – this is a nice thing to say to your husband every once in a while. People can love each other without actually liking each other. When you tell your husband you like him; you show that you care for him deeply and are also a fan of his person. This is a great feeling that he will love. You do not have to say I love you to make someone feel special. Sometimes a simple “I like you” will out a smile on their faces that lasts all day.
14. “You are a wonderful father”:
Your husband may not be sure about his parenting skills. To encourage him to keep moving in the right direction, let him know that he is a wonderful father. This will boost his self-esteem, and he will be more confident as a parent. When he is more confident, he will be able to make better decisions for the kids and the entire family. Everyone wants to be a good parent, and it is important that you tell your husband that he is one. Let him know that he is a valuable asset to the family. Make sure that you are there to guide and support him in certain situations that require two parents.
15. “I love the way you provide for the family”:
When it comes to providing, men hold themselves to a high standard. All they want is for you to acknowledge their efforts. It is important for you to let him know that you appreciate everything he does for the family. You should let your husband know that he does not have to make millions to keep his family happy. You are perfectly happy and grateful for everything he has provided.
16. “You can always make me smile and laugh”:
Let your husband know that he brightens up your day. Show him that he brings positive energy into your home, and you love him for it. While he may not be the funniest guy in the world, let him know that you get his jokes and love them all. These compliments will make him feel good and reassure him that he is doing a good job of keeping everyone happy.
17. “I’m so proud of you”:
If your husband makes you proud, make sure he knows it. Your marriage will go far as long as you stand by your husband and give him your support whenever he needs it. We are living in a world that is constantly knocking us down, so make sure to let him know that you will be around to pick him up. Letting your husband know that you are proud of him will make him work harder to achieve his dreams and do even better by his family.
18. “I’m so glad that I married you”:
There may be times when your husband feels like he has let you down. Let him know that you would marry him again in a heartbeat no matter what. Whether it is a fight or argument, or after a difficult week, your better half may be feeling down and think that he is a disappointment. Reassure him that you love him and that there is no one else you would rather marry.
19. “I know you’ll make the right decision”:
Life is full of tough situations where you need to make tough decisions. If there are situations where you are not sure how to handle things or if you will make the right decision, you should entrust the job to your husband and let him know that you trust him to make the right decision for the entire family. As the man of the house, he will be better suited to making certain decisions. He is bound to feel great knowing that you are 100% behind him.
20. “I love you”:
Sometimes, in the mad rush of everyday schedules, we often forget the important things in life. Like taking the time to say a quick I love you to each other. Let your husband know that you love him by saying the actual words. It can make a huge difference in his entire day. Whether it is in the morning before he goes off to work, or in the evening after a long day, saying these three words, does more than tell him that you love him; it also shows that you appreciate everything he does.
8 Things You Should Not Tell Your Husband:
1. “I always do everything”:
While it is true that you may be busy around the house all day, it is probably far from true that you do everything alone. This is something that many women make the mistake of saying. Instead of talking about how you do and complaining about how little he does, focus on what he does do and praise him for it. You will notice some big changes soon. When you show your appreciation for the things he does, no matter how small, he will want to please you more and make more of an effort to help around the house.
2. “Let me show you how it’s done”:
As you know, men feel good about themselves when they think that they can solve life’s problems, no matter how small. When you step in and direct your husband’s behavior, especially if he has not asked you to, it is a direct message to him saying that he is not competent. If you have any suggestions, start them off by saying something like, “I have a suggestion, if you’d like.” This way, you sound more like you are just trying to help rather than insulting him and saying that you can do better than him.
3. “You never listen to me”:
Accusing your husband of not listening to you is a mistake that you should avoid making. Apart from being untrue, it is an unfair thing to say to your partner. Many women say this when they have a fight with their boyfriend or husband as they know it strikes a nerve. Saying anything in an accusatory tone should be avoided even if it is true, so watch how you utter these words. Instead of accusing him, let him gently know that his actions disappointed you and that you would like him to start listening to you more, just as you listen to him.
4. “Stay away from me”:
As you know, we often say things in the heat of the moment and later regret it. This is one of those things. This sentence can hurt your husband’s feelings, especially if you say it during a fight. It will sound like you are pushing him away, and that is not something that anyone, including you, would like. It can be satisfying to say something hurtful to someone, but you will probably regret it later so refrain from doing so.
5. “What is wrong with you?”
This is one of the worst things you could say to your husband. It is one thing if it is a joke, but if you seriously mean, it can make your husband feel low. For instance, if you said it because he forgot to pick up milk at the store, you can rest assured that he will never offer to pick it up again. Attacking someone with words is not the best way to express your feelings so make sure you are careful how you do it. It could end up creating a rift between you and your husband.
6. “That’s all you did?”
So, the world is not perfect, and your husband missed a few chores while you were out. If you expected something from your husband but did not articulate it, you should own up to it rather than letting him feel like a major disappointment. For example, if you asked him to tidy up the kids’ room and he put all the toys in one corner of the room and pulled the blankets over the bed. You did not give your husband specific details on how to organize the kids’ room so he did it the best way he could. Instead of saying this, you can tell him that you appreciate his help and that next time, you will be more specific about how to clean up the room. Your husband will appreciate this and will want to do better in the future too.
7. “What on earth were you thinking?!”:
Consider a scenario where your husband comes home and shares how a plan backfired on him. He will be looking for compassion and your support. By making a comment like this, you will him feel worse. He did not ask for your opinion. All he wanted to do was get it off his chest and not be treated as a joke or a failure. You could try saying, “If it were me, I would’ve done…” You do not have to say too much as you may end up saying something wrong. Just keep it non-critical and simple.
8. “You’re pathetic”:
This is something you should never, and we mean NEVER say, no matter how much you want to hurt your husband. Even if he said something critical and sounded like he was attacking you, giving it back in the same coin is far from an ideal solution. Be direct and also, be the grown up. Tell him that if he is angry, frustrated or upset, he should talk to you as a partner and an adult instead of using harsh words to vent his frustration. This is an effective way to make sure that he learns to communicate in a more mature way.
There are many things that you should and should not say to your husband. Whether it is during serious discussions or after a fight, you need to be careful about what you say to each other. Be respectful of one another and always use the right words. We are often too busy making dinner, feeding the kids, grocery shopping or cleaning the house that we often do not think about what we are saying to our spouse.
When you know what to say and what not to say, you avoid heartbreak, anger, fights, etc. Use the right words while communicating with your husband and you will notice that your relationship and your marriage grows stronger.
Source: Mom Conjunction