1. Not to wobble at the same time. If one of us is getting wobbly, having a challenging moment, or is in need of being heard, then the other one puts their own stuff aside and is there, present, listening, receiving. One time, when were we both needing and wobbling at the same time, it meant there was no listening or receiving going on, so this ground rule has worked wonders for us.
2. No shoulds, should nots, ought tos, or ought nots. This one came into play as we began to uncover many of the assumptions, role-playing and conditioning that we both brought to our marriage from past experiences. This allows us the freedom to be who we are, to be accepted as we are and to be as creative as we can be.
3. The ceiling is both white and flat. If we are having an argument and we stop to see what is going on, then we often realize we are both talking about the same thing, just looking at it from a different perspective. One of us is saying the ceiling is flat and the other is saying it is white, but it’s the same ceiling!
4. We were married in Scotland at Samye Ling Monastery. Afterwards, the Abbot said to us that if we ever have a disagreement we should walk away form each other and consider what we had said that caused our partner to be so upset with us. This is about taking responsibility for our own words and behavior.
5. Meditate. This has undoubtedly been the thread that weaves us together, the grace that reveals we are both worthy and the endless well that constantly inspires, restores and renews us, both individually and together. We are quite sure that without meditation we would easily have retreated to opposite sides of the planet!