12 Ways To Overcome Shyness

Shy people constantly reject some part of themselves and hide it from others, as they are afraid that others will find it and will react somehow negatively (ridicule, resentment, criticism, aggression, and so on) to it. To feel more comfortable and confident people who cannot get rid of shyness, surround themselves with a cascade of awkward, conspicuous psychological shields, and this strain is very strong. Looking closer at shyness, you can see that it is based on a special mechanism; it has unfavorable comparisons of himself with a certain standard of confidence and emancipation, which exists in the minds of other people.

Every day we face with a lot of shy, insecure personalities. Psychologists say that almost all people in varying degrees suffer from shyness. The question ‘how to overcome shyness’ becomes very important for a lot of people. As their success and private life depend on that much.

One of the best books on this subject is the work of American psychologist Zimbardo, which is called ‘Shyness: What is it and how to deal with it’, offers to turn to the famous Webster dictionary, which describes the shyness meaning. So to be shy means to be ‘difficult for rapprochement, because of shyness, caution and distrust’. Zimbardo gives a few quotations from the dictionary:

‘Shy person is cautious, not disposed to meetings or contacts with any particular person or thing’. ‘Impressed, timid, deviating from the protection of his rights’, shy person ‘may be inclined to solitude or may hide because of self-doubt, or because of fear of harassment of his antipode, doubtful, suspicious’, dark ‘personality’. Webster’s Dictionary defines shyness as awkwardness in the presence of other people.

Shy people closed on themselves and on their social anxiety, painful experiences, which they cannot and do not want to share with other people. A person prefers to remain silent until his entering the conversation is not pushed by the circumstances. This is accompanied by the closure of muscular and motor terminals stupor.

Shyness goes hand in hand with the embarrassment that same Zimbardo calls ‘short-term acute loss of self-respect’, the periodic situation for a lot of people. Confusion is adjacent to the awkwardness, during which it becomes clear that a person has s painful reaction to the way in which he is seen and perceived by other people. Shy people are embarrassed for themselves; they are negatively disposed towards themselves.

What causes shyness in adults?

There are different reasons and they innate genetic base and acquired origin. If you want to find the origins of shyness you need to look for it in a childhood, where the person has not learned to love himself and accept himself in general. In the future, life and problems have only fixed this property and made it a constant companion of man.

Comparisons are always the result of the work of mind; however, it is assessed and experienced on an emotional level. Status of protection depends on the depth of the experience. The man is afraid to be himself in front of other people, and therefore receives an artificial psychological awkward posture.

He narrows the space of interaction with other people, he begins to avoid anything new in life and ‘the fabric of his consciousness’ is covered by scars from trauma, which he gets after almost every contact. He does not live a full life.

We live in a cruel world where the weakness is trampled under the law of brute force and self-interest. Shy people are beaten for the benefits or for the sake of self-affirmation, and for a long time, probably, will be beaten if they do not tremble, do not start being angry at themselves. They should get a good fighting spirit and try to become stronger.

Such people attract strikes because of their appearance and expression, they have a message on the forehead which is written in large letters: ‘I am a victim’ as if asking to beat him. Even shy people sometimes explode and protest flashes of irritation – almost always these attempts are expressed in order to bring back his own respect and restore the status quo. They either have no aggression; they usually look like an awkwardly protesting victim.

It often happens that because of their weakness and lack of faith in their own strength shy people do not dare to throw out frustrations on the person who is actually to blame, and begin to vent frustration, suffering irritation to more weak people – relatives, friends, children, subordinate employees.

If you seriously want to get rid of shyness and become a confident and always secure, you can follow the following steps.

stop being shy

1. Carefully observe your shyness and lack of confidence and try to understand its origins.

How did you get this ‘property’? Is it innate or acquired? Is shyness hereditary in your family? And if you’ve got it after some traumas, what has influenced you most – the failure, humiliation, criticism, difficult circumstances or any other reasons? Respond well to the questions – how easy it is to eliminate the causes of a simple willful decision or they require hard work, perhaps together with a specialist.

2. Try to see your internal standard of confidence, compared with what creates a state of emotional stress and tension.

Why are you so painfully aware of the fact that you are not like him? Where did you get this internal standard and the image? Who introduced it to your consciousness? Do you think you could live without comparing yourself to anyone or anything, accepting yourself for who you are?

3. Try to understand what you do not like about yourself and why you reject it?
What makes you conceal this trait or property so hard from other people? What happens if you, on the contrary, accept it yourself and then open it to others? To get rid of shyness, first, try to imagine it mentally, and then gradually migrate its performance, vision and mood in reality.

4. Learn the art of great calm and objective vision of yourself as if from outside, without evaluation and judgment.

This seemingly neutral vision gradually awakens your positive emotions, joy and love to the world, including to yourself, as a part of this world. Aim this love to the darkened interior line, which you do not like and which you so carefully hide from view.

shy black lady

5. Add some easy detachment and gentle humor in relation to yourself.

Tease your shyness and insecurity. Take them easily, without stress, without judging yourself for these qualities and presence of perceiving them. It will be a springboard for your further improvement.

6. Gather all the resources of your past victories or at least successful communication scenarios in any situations.

Think of all the cases of your confidence and looseness in the conversations. Try to call in memory and relive the positive emotions you felt then. Then assemble these emotions together into one large coherent sense of self-belief and tune in its further expansion. Saturate this feeling, as if a light substance, your whole being – the body, the nervous system, the mind, consciousness, your ‘I’.

shy kid

7. Mentally observe yourself and try to find yourself in some internal dimming and power units, responsible for the state of uncertainty and you shyness.

Then dissolve this feeling and the state at all levels of your being from the mind to the body and replace it with a state of confidence.

8. Look carefully at the emancipated confident people.

Try to understand what the secret of their success is and due to what they are able to keep themselves relaxed and confident in all situations. Try to imagine what’s inside their inner world. Consider whether you have at least some rudiments of such confidence and looseness. If there is some, then, again and again, tune in this state by catching and fixing it. Consider also whether you are capable of doing these things that these people do.

overcome your shyness

9. Try to behave the way this type of people behave – fluent, confident, relaxed, doing what they like to do, without regard for others.

They show impulses of freedom and emancipation in their gestures, movements, looks, gait, intonations, facial expressions, decisions, and actions. Get a clear sense that the flow of freedom passes through you.

shy girl

10. Spend some time to release of muscle clamps.

Shyness simply ceases to exist as ‘a property’ if the person has learned to relax his body. Each type of shyness has its muscular expression. Study your muscle expression of shyness. Try to understand what muscle groups are the main forces that support this negative emotional state.

11. At the time of impact or pressure of circumstances, try to answer them using an energy shield, woven from the substance of confidence.

Believe that you can deal with any problem you face. Then celebrate the victory.

At the same time, do not turn yourself into self-confident biorobot. Confidence is not a goal, it is just a mean and a certain indicator of the life force of man, indicating that the goal is reached. Leave a place for the pain, failures, and new lessons. They will happen as it is life.

12. If the above techniques and methods of gaining self-confidence are not enough to save you from embarrassment, then refer to the higher powers with prayer and ask to help you acquire this status and property.

Pray with all your heart and being, creating the energy of emotional sincerity and aspiration, and after a while you will start getting a response and support.

 Remember the point made by Zimbardo: ‘Do not protect your ego too much: it is more durable and resilient than you think. It bends but does not break. It is much better to feel the pain in your heart from time to time when you have not acted in the best way, rather than to avoid pain at the cost of all emotional feelings’. Overcoming shyness is possible, but it just requires some work to do.

READ ALSO: 10 common


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Written by Damilola Odunsi


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