Shy people constantly reject some part of themselves and hide it from others, as they are afraid that others will find it and will react somehow negatively (ridicule, resentment, criticism, aggression, and so on) to it. To feel more comfortable and confident people who cannot get rid of shyness, surround themselves with a cascade of awkward, conspicuous psychological shields, and this strain is very strong. Looking closer at shyness, you can see that it is based on a special mechanism; it has unfavorable comparisons of himself with a certain standard of confidence and emancipation, which exists in the minds of other people.
Every day we face with a lot of shy, insecure personalities. Psychologists say that almost all people in varying degrees suffer from shyness. The question ‘how to overcome shyness’ becomes very important for a lot of people. As their success and private life depend on that much.
One of the best books on this subject is the work of American psychologist Zimbardo, which is called ‘Shyness: What is it and how to deal with it’, offers to turn to the famous Webster dictionary, which describes the shyness meaning. So to be shy means to be ‘difficult for rapprochement, because of shyness, caution and distrust’. Zimbardo gives a few quotations from the dictionary:
Shy people closed on themselves and on their social anxiety, painful experiences, which they cannot and do not want to share with other people. A person prefers to remain silent until his entering the conversation is not pushed by the circumstances. This is accompanied by the closure of muscular and motor terminals stupor.
Shyness goes hand in hand with the embarrassment that same Zimbardo calls ‘short-term acute loss of self-respect’, the periodic situation for a lot of people. Confusion is adjacent to the awkwardness, during which it becomes clear that a person has s painful reaction to the way in which he is seen and perceived by other people. Shy people are embarrassed for themselves; they are negatively disposed towards themselves.
What causes shyness in adults?
Comparisons are always the result of the work of mind; however, it is assessed and experienced on an emotional level. Status of protection depends on the depth of the experience. The man is afraid to be himself in front of other people, and therefore receives an artificial psychological awkward posture.
He narrows the space of interaction with other people, he begins to avoid anything new in life and ‘the fabric of his consciousness’ is covered by scars from trauma, which he gets after almost every contact. He does not live a full life.
We live in a cruel world where the weakness is trampled under the law of brute force and self-interest. Shy people are beaten for the benefits or for the sake of self-affirmation, and for a long time, probably, will be beaten if they do not tremble, do not start being angry at themselves. They should get a good fighting spirit and try to become stronger.
It often happens that because of their weakness and lack of faith in their own strength shy people do not dare to throw out frustrations on the person who is actually to blame, and begin to vent frustration, suffering irritation to more weak people – relatives, friends, children, subordinate employees.
If you seriously want to get rid of shyness and become a confident and always secure, you can follow the following steps.
1. Carefully observe your shyness and lack of confidence and try to understand its origins.
How did you get this ‘property’? Is it innate or acquired? Is shyness hereditary in your family? And if you’ve got it after some traumas, what has influenced you most – the failure, humiliation, criticism, difficult circumstances or any other reasons? Respond well to the questions – how easy it is to eliminate the causes of a simple willful decision or they require hard work, perhaps together with a specialist.
2. Try to see your internal standard of confidence, compared with what creates a state of emotional stress and tension.
Why are you so painfully aware of the fact that you are not like him? Where did you get this internal standard and the image? Who introduced it to your consciousness? Do you think you could live without comparing yourself to anyone or anything, accepting yourself for who you are?
4. Learn the art of great calm and objective vision of yourself as if from outside, without evaluation and judgment.
This seemingly neutral vision gradually awakens your positive emotions, joy and love to the world, including to yourself, as a part of this world. Aim this love to the darkened interior line, which you do not like and which you so carefully hide from view.
6. Gather all the resources of your past victories or at least successful communication scenarios in any situations.
Think of all the cases of your confidence and looseness in the conversations. Try to call in memory and relive the positive emotions you felt then. Then assemble these emotions together into one large coherent sense of self-belief and tune in its further expansion. Saturate this feeling, as if a light substance, your whole being – the body, the nervous system, the mind, consciousness, your ‘I’.
8. Look carefully at the emancipated confident people.
Try to understand what the secret of their success is and due to what they are able to keep themselves relaxed and confident in all situations. Try to imagine what’s inside their inner world. Consider whether you have at least some rudiments of such confidence and looseness. If there is some, then, again and again, tune in this state by catching and fixing it. Consider also whether you are capable of doing these things that these people do.
11. At the time of impact or pressure of circumstances, try to answer them using an energy shield, woven from the substance of confidence.
Believe that you can deal with any problem you face. Then celebrate the victory.
12. If the above techniques and methods of gaining self-confidence are not enough to save you from embarrassment, then refer to the higher powers with prayer and ask to help you acquire this status and property.
Pray with all your heart and being, creating the energy of emotional sincerity and aspiration, and after a while you will start getting a response and support.
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