You love your husband with all your heart. And you’d do anything for him. But in reality that can sometimes cause major damage in his life and yours. There are some things wives think of as helpful and caring that can actually get in your way of having the marriage and family you want.
Here are four things you should not be doing if you want to keep your home happy and healthy:
1. Excuse his bad habits
Bad habits go much further than flatulence or occasional procrastination. When you ignore or encourage behaviors that are harmful to your marriage, you are helping your husband slowly tear apart what you’ve built together. Habits like excessive drinking, gambling or spending on non-essentials can put your family in real physical and financial danger. A husband who makes major decisions without input from his wife is abusing his power just as much as a man who calls his wife nasty names. Keeping quiet and letting his angry tantrums or neglectful isolation go without being resolved doesn’t help anyone. Quit making excuses and get to the root of the problem.
2. Shelter him from his problems
On the other hand, your husband may not be the cause of his own problems. Others may have brought issues to him. Or outside influences could have overwhelmed him. But no matter where this obligation came from, it is your spouse’s job to make his own decisions and handle the problems he’s facing. You can guide, support and advise him as he goes, but taking on the responsibility as your own won’t teach him to deal with life. You won’t always be there to pick up the pieces when things fall apart. Don’t let him get used to passing the buck to you.
3. Fight his battles with his family
Feuding relatives are an undeniable stressor in any marriage. You may like to think you can can conquer any problem together, but some battles have rules you need to follow. If your husband is having a spat with his biological family, as his wife, you really should stay out of it. Even if he wants to include you as a source of support, your job is to create a safe place for him at home, not be on the front lines with his own family. Don’t become an unecessary target and waste precious energy standing between the people who need to work out an issue.
4. Change your body
We all go through changes as we age and get into our life routines. But if you’ve found your husband is less interested in you physically and blames your weight, the solution of losing a few pounds might not be the right one. By no means should you keep on extra pounds just to spite your hubby. But the motivation behind why you’d want to lose weight is very important to realize. Talk to your doctor. Look at yourself in the mirror. Have a conversation with yourself about what you want out of life. Your relationship with your body is monumentally more important than your spouse’s relationship to it. And if you decide to lose weight, change your hair or wardrobe, or even get a little nip/tuck, it should be because you want it. If you do it just for him you’ll always be asking yourself if he’s more in love with your body or you.
You can and should do a lot for your husband. But some things are off limits. Let him do some heavy lifting and vow to be there when he need a breaks and a soft spot to rest his head.